But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
