Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
