halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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