I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
