i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
