we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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