i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
