oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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