White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
