I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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