And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
