no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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