remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
