textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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