he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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