ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
