Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
