There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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