we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
