dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this just has baby written all over it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
