i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
