On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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