I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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