i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Drunk is a universal language darling
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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