I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
