Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
