This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize