You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
