you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
