You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
