Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
