i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i out mim tonsoeep
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
