Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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