youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
