What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
