sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
