3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
