i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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