I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
