he wants to bone in the snuggie
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
