I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
