Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
