i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
