absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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