Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
