I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
