my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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