I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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