you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
