I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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