i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
