I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My cat gives me a boner
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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