I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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