Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
