i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
