You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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