So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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