This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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