Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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