you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
