the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
