We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
