i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
