for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My feet surprised me
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