I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
