I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
