i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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