just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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