There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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