he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize