I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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