Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize