I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
