I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
