I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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