I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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